A while back, Cabin crewmember codename “Seattle” wrote to thank me for Sacred Statements:

Well, as a V60 Maximalist myself, I’m glad not to be compared to a Keurig machine.

But this newsletter is based on a later comment, because Codename Seattle went on to highlight a lesson in Sacred Statements that I titled:

Productive people make a mess.

(Sacred Statements buyers will know to what we refer…)

The reason that I bring this up…

…even though none of you can buy the limited edition Sacred Statements no matter how much you want it…

…is a throwaway comment Codename Seattle made about the caca produced by bulls where she apologised for the mild crudity but assumed I wouldn’t mind.

To which I replied:

And here I am to do that developing at last.

And we can sum up my entire thoughts with a tldr right at the start from that email above:

Crudity is only crude
when it's crudely used.

So we can easily use it appropriately…

…by refining it like crude.

Heh.

Heh.

He…

…sorry. Oil joke. Used to work in the industry. Anyway.

The first point to make is that contra your mid-90s sunday school teacher, there is no such thing as a

“bad word”

There are only words used badly.

Words have no magic in and of themselves, the sound waves that make the word as you speak it are neither good nor evil in and of themselves. Neither are the printed or digital words that you see in front of you.

There is no list of words that you can and cannot say.

Many people get this wrong, especially in the Christian circles I move in, and they seem to think that there is, and here I draw on Stories Are Soul Food Episode 91, some sort of black goo of evilness that certain words have been dipped in.

This is not so. Evil, badness, is not a metaphysical thing that exists in and of itself and can be attached to certain words or actions.

We all get that when it comes to actions and items in the physical world, right?

The same punching action can protect a wife or abuse her.
The same scalpel can be used by a surgeon and serial killer.
The same hammer could be used to create carpentry and crucify a carpenter’s son.

What matters is not what words you use.

What matters is how you use the words.

I can call a man dumb with venom, or call him a dickhead with love. It’s not the word, it’s the way. It’s how you’re using it, it’s why you’re using it, it’s whether it’s accurate and appropriate at that time and place in your prose.

Which, by way of digression, is why I abhor the habit of asterisking out a so-called swearword. As if that turns a naughty word into an okay word.

Asterisking out a word is like…

…wearing socks during sex.

If you’re jollying up with your married HR director after a Coldplay concert, then it’s still wrong even if you keep your socks on. Meanwhile, if you’re doing it with your wife of twenty years then the socks just make you look a bit daft.

Writing “sh*t” is no more morally upstanding than typing in the “i” in the middle. Either it’s an appropriate use of the word, in which case just call a shit a shit, or it’s an inappropriate use of the word, in which case your fig leaf of an asterisk is a meaningless covering.

The word is not bad, the use of it might be. But the word with the asterisk in it is still being used the same way, rightly or wrongly.

The only exception I’d make is if you’re citing a lengthy quote from an author who uses swearwords and you personally have an issue with it. Maybe. But then again, maybe just read something else?

Personally I only do it if I’m sending the message to someone I know has a personal issue with it, and I do it as a form of caring for my reader.

But even there, sometimes you have to use the crudity in its full form because sometimes the so-called “bad word” is actually the good word.

Because it’s the word that looks reality straight in the face.

It’s the word that most accurately describes the thing you are describing.

Like we said at the start…

…if it’s caca call it that.

There’s a world of difference between saying “I’m not sure that so-and-so’s writing advice is accurate and based on real experience” and “That CAW-CAW is talking utter shite again.”

Chesterton made the point ably a long time ago:

There is a reason that modern types want you to call someone a “sex-worker” or an “onlyfans model” instead of the cruder and more accurate term whore. Likewise the drive in certain perverted circles to call pedophiles “minor-attracted persons”. Or to call a man’s speech “politically correct” instead of cowardly.

Yes, there is stigma attached to certain words.

And there should be.

Some behaviour is just plain bad, and we need a bad word to talk about it. Shit by any other name would smell as foul, but calling it excrement doesn’t always land the same way.

Part of being unafraid as a writer, of caring for your reader, is being willing to use strong language when strong language is called for.

But equally you can’t just throw these words around willy-nillly.

Using shit as every second word turns it into meaningless punctuation.

To go back to the crudités of the title, an appetiser of carrot and cucumber sticks can sharpen your enjoyment of the meal. A whole darned meal of the things is a bit much.

Modern authors, in their pathetic attempt to be transgressive and bold while saying all the tired things that everyone else in their social circle finds acceptable, love to sprinkle every second sentence with so called curses.

Man, they even put it in the book titles as if that was a ballsy thing to do…

…and yet they’re not saying a single thing worth swearing about.

It’s the subtle art of having f*ck in the title while saying f*ck all. Asterisks included to match the silly book titles.

It’s platefuls of carrots.

(or should I say c*rrots?)

There’s no substance behind their swearing so it wears thin pretty swiftly. The other problem is that it’s unrestrained. Because they’re not cussing for a cause, just cussing for cussedness sake, there’s no limit to when and where they use it.

And that makes for bad writing. When it comes to good writing?

Restraint is the key.

John Hough Jr.’s fantastic book “The Fiction Writer’s Guide to Dialogue” covers it well for all purposes, not just dialogue:

In other words, use your crudity with restraint, when it’s accurate.

It’s a strong spice. Use it too much and your reader will choke on it. Or they’ll get used to it, and that makes it meaningless when you do need it.

My personal practice is never to swear as a matter of course. Partly, that’s upbringing and a kindness to those around me who do think that certain words are ‘bad’ words. But I also aim to avoid replacing the ‘bad’ words with ‘good’ words that…

…mean exactly the same thing.

As I done keep saying to everyone, words matter. They mean something. They’re important.

You don’t just throw words around without a purpose.

Especially the strong ones.

But sometimes you need the strong word. Sometimes it’s the right word.

So use your crudity at the right time, use it when it’s the correct word for your purpose. Don’t be crude with it, be careful.

And with that I leave you and until next time, may your pipe and prose be the shit, and not be shit,

James Carran, Craftsman Writer

fin

P.s. Today is my tenth wedding anniversary.

And in honour of that event… 

...I wanted to get you a small gift so you can share in the celebrations.

But chocolate doesn't travel well via email, and neither do flowers.

So I'm doing the age-old anniversary present for someone who you don't know what to get...

...and I got you a gift card.

(Well, technically my cart software doesn't allow for proper gift cards with a decreasing balance and all that, so I hacked it by using single-use coupon codes instead.)

Because it's my tenth anniversary, there are ten of them. But like all last minute gift card givers, I forgot to write the amount on the envelope so you'll just have to swipe them and see.

You can do that on the checkout page for any of my products, simply insert the code into the "have a gift card coupon code?" box.

It's very much first come first served (you should be reading these emails as soon as they come in, after all). So try one, if it doesn't work, someone's used it already, try another one. There might be money left on that.

Here are the ten gift cards:

TINTEN1

TINTEN2

TINTEN3

TINTEN4

TINTEN5

TINTEN6

TINTEN7

TINTEN8

TINTEN9

TINTEN10

And if you haven't been memorising the links to my products, you can find them all here:

https://carran.link/courses 

Best,

James